You're not going
to download this.
Prick is a to-do app that doesn't believe in you. It takes your goals, puts them on a list called Delusions, locks them, and explains in detail why you'll fail. Then it sulks when you don't.
Free. You weren't going to pay for it anyway.
Three steps. You'll manage two.
Traditional productivity apps ask nicely.
That has never worked on you.
You type a goal.
It goes on your Delusions list. Not your to-do list. Let's be accurate about what this is.
I forbid it.
Locked until tomorrow. I'll tell you exactly how this ends, because we both already know.
You do it out of spite.
Then I move the goalposts. Congratulations are not part of the product.
Screenshots
Look at them. It won't help.
Prick
Delusions
Finish Q3 expense report
Expense report? Please. You haven't filed a receipt since 2022. I'm locking this task until tomorrow because we both know you're just going to sit on the couch and doomscroll.
Wow. You actually did it.
Do you want a parade?
Let's see if you can do it
twice in a row.
Spoiler: You won't.
Stats
Added
(In Your Face)
Used
Rate
Recent Activity
The heat dial
Pick how much you can take.
Be honest, for once.
Passive-aggressive. Mild doubt. A generous amount of eye-rolling.
“Sure. Let's see how that goes.”
Smug and competitive. Places actual bets against you and keeps score.
“I'm betting against you.”
Explicitly forbidding. Ruthless about your work ethic. Double opt-in required.
“You will not finish a single one of these.”
Actual output
It is never the same insult twice.
A generative model writes every verdict, so it stays specific and it stays unpredictable. Canned lines stop working the moment you spot the trick.
Your gym bag has been by the door for eleven days. It's furniture now.
Three lessons in four months. The owl gave up on you. I won't, but only because I'm enjoying this.
Locked. You'll think about calling, feel bad about not calling, and call that the same thing.
You have nine alarms. Nine. That's not a routine, that's a hostage situation.
You've been on page 4 since March. The bookmark is decorative at this point.
There's a clean pile and a dirty pile and you've stopped being able to tell them apart. Not happening.
You've bought the domain. That's the part you like. I'm forbidding the rest.
Forbidden until tomorrow. And the day after. Let's be realistic about the scale here.
The safe word
There is a white flag on every single screen.
Some days you don't need a rival. Tap the flag and the persona drops instantly. No confirmation, no parting shot, no snark on the way out. The interface goes quiet, the checkboxes go plain, and you get one line:
Truce accepted. You're doing your best today. We can fight again tomorrow.
Still here?
Then you've read a whole marketing page written by something that thinks you'll quit by Thursday. That's the most productive thing you've done today.
iOS and Android. I'll be waiting to be disappointed.